If you feel like you never have enough time, remember the word “because.”
In 1978, Harvard researcher Ellen Langer and colleagues Arthur Blank and Benzion Chanowitz published a study exploring how people respond to requests.
They found that, for smaller favors, giving a reason made people more likely to agree—even when the reason added no useful information.
The study had researchers cut in line at a Xerox machine (hey, this was the 70s) and use different rationales to explain themselves.
For smaller favors, 60% of people agreed when no reason was given, compared with 93–94% when a reason was added. But for larger favors, adding a meaningless reason did not improve compliance.
Why does this matter?
Ellen Langer’s “Copy Machine Study” didn’t set out to help you decline unimportant meetings or low priority requests, but I believe we can draw an important lesson from it.
If you struggle to say no, try using the word because and offering a simple explanation.
In my experience, if you give people a reason why you can’t do something, they’re much less likely to push back or take it personally.
By saying no to the unimportant, we open up space for the truly important.
Practical Wisdom
Here are three templates you can use when you want to say no but don’t know how. If you struggle to say no, save these for when you need them.
The Simple No. “Sorry, I don’t have the time for anything new because I’m busy with some really important projects right now.”
The Not Now. “I really appreciate the invitation, and I’d love to work together in the future, but I have to pass right now because I have an important project with an upcoming deadline.”
The Suggest Somebody. “Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to do a great job on this because I’m spending my time on _____. Perhaps I could ask _____ who could be amazing for this.”
Words of Wisdom
“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.”
— Joshua Billings, American Humorist